So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
