He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
