Need sex. Gaining weight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
