No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
