i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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