I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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