Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
