his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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