Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
