I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
