her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize