dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
