the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize