Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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