Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
People in love make me want to vomit
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
