i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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