come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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