My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
