oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
