so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
