It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
