I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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