i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize