who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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