Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
