1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
