I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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