I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
