perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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