If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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