i need an iv and a liver transplant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
