and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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