but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
