you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they're like a gay fantastic four
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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