i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
