I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
