Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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