I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
