hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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