Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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