Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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