I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
