oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
