ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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