So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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