I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
