Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
