You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
