did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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