Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize