I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
