Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
