wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize