Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
