I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
