He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
