I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's Friday. Sex?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize