a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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