I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
