I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
