Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
