the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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