whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
