This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
