I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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