My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
