no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
