naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize