Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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