Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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