the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize