My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
