benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
