It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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