Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
