careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
