I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
