i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
