I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
