Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
