I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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