It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm having to shit out rocks
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