Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
