I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize