I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
