So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
