They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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