All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
