I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
