If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
