I can text with my tongue
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
