dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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