I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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