I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
