My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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