i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
