after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
