Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
