Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
