i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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